Things are going round and round in my head. I'm reeling from the last couple of weeks.

Trying to understand why?
Why now, why would she do so much harm to people who love her? Why doesn't she seem to care about her actions? Why can't I reach out to her?

Trying to understand when?
When did it get this bad? When did it start? When (if ever) will it end?

Trying to understand How?
How am I ever going to 'move on'? How am I going to carry on? How can I help? How can I forget? How can I forgive?

Trying very hard to think good thoughts again. Nearly three weeks ago I was on such a high. The last few years everyone seemed settled and happy. Coping with their ups and downs, living and learning. Then everything changed in a second. Since then I've been trying so hard to understand and get back some equilibrium.
Why is it so hard to think good positive thoughts now? When will it get easier?